The murder of Alex Pretti: Are You OK?

I am an Australian, sitting thousands of miles away. I am sitting by myself, still crying, and feeling almost ridiculous for it. The last courageous moments of Alex Pretti are seared into my mind and heart. I took a day away from social media, yet I cannot escape.

Watching the protesters in Minnesota, I realize just how profoundly brave they are.

I have not spoken much about America’s decline this past year under the administration of trump and his cabal of deplorables —not as much as I did during his first term. I told myself this was self-care: that the anger and upset which consumed me then did no good, only harm.

But there was another reason: fear. Fear of negative comments, of losing the paltry number of followers I have, of criticism, of making family and friends uncomfortable, of confronting the apathy of those around me. I was afraid of being asked, again and again, why I couldn’t let it go. Why bother? It’s not your country. Why can’t you just be quiet and get along? Of such trivial, puny things was I fearful.

And that is when I understood the monumental bravery of those Americans showing up to protest. Especially after Rene Good. After the abducted five-year-old, the six-month-old who stopped breathing from ICE gas, the old man taken virtually naked into the freezing cold. And now, Alex Pretti, whose last words were, “Are you okay?”—spoken to a woman he was defending against unimaginable malice.

"Are you ok?"

~ Alex Pretti ~

THANK YOU 2025

Tomorrow is 2026.

There were some dark moments this year when I had doubts if I would make it here.

But here we are 🍾

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Birthday Memories Message to Sudha, 2025

On Wed 13 Aug, 2025, I received a surprise message from Kalpana. With a request. For Sudha.

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Thank You Letter to Rosie

08/08/25 Fri

Hi Rosie!

First, I hope your back is feeling better!! 😁

Second, I am not sure how obvious or otherwise it was, but I apolgize for my groggy state during my last appointment (05 Aug 2025) with you.

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C is the Scariest Word

(My post on FB, 15/07/25)

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Intention Manifestation on Day of Surgical Decision

Yesterday was the day I was to make my decision (yes/no to surgery &/or chemo) re. C-recurrence.It was to be at PeterMac, Melb with Rosie at 10:30am. So we had to leave the house by 6am.

Special moment with Pete at cafe, before appointment

I awoke at 3:30am (alarm was set for 4am) and I did a series of meditations in bed. One of them involved me setting a clear intention.

I thought, in less than 24 hours, no matter what, I will be home. And I envisaged and then stepped into 'myself' at the end of the day, when all the travel, talks, discussions, and decisions had been taken. And I saw/felt myself, in bed, feeling gratitude and thankful for a very good and wonderful day; feeling at peace and filled with joy and gratitude.

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Paramahansa Yogananda, Sri Yuktestwar, Babaji - WHY?

I wonder why even simple tales of Sri Yukteswar and sometimes of Paramahansa Yogananda affect me in ways I cannot decipher. I feel my heart contracting with some emotion while tears inexplicably form in my eyes. I wonder why.

Sri Yukteswar, Babaji, Paramahansa Yogananda

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Symbol H - Evolving

Evolving H-symbol, Apr 2025

My H-symbol from Feb 2025 seems to be evolving - getting more and more clarity.

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Sanātana Dharma

Hmm. This is hard to write because there seems to be so many things and thoughts going at the same time.

• Online Coherence Healing #2
• Beverly Jane Reynolds / BJ / Soul Mom
• Sanata Dharma • Asha Nayaswami
• RJ Spina • "Challenge"
• Symbol "H" - Hole. Avoidance
• "Die then."
• "Where/What is your safety?" • Asha Nayaswami

Good-Bad-Good-Decision? Which path to take?

16 May, 2025, 2:20pm.
We are just back from Geelong. This morning was my appointment with Dr Rachel Delahunty at ALCC re. results of latest CT scan and steps going forward.

I am writing this for posting to my two Dr Joe related groups on FB ("Joe Dispenza Study Group", and "Dr Joe Dispenza meditation group")

Hello fellow soul travellers,
I don't normally discuss my medical condition in any detail and much less, on a social platform. However this time, and though I am new to the group, I feel that I am on a journey with people who are more on less, on a very similar path to mine: i.e. dealing with, emerging from, emerged from a limiting self/circumstance/condition and moving toward a more expanded and whole version of our lives/health/being.

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I Created it. All

Last night I was listening to a Dr Joe testimonial. And the lady said something that twanged in my head. Something like:

"It was me. .... If I could create a crap life, I could create a
MAGNIFICENT LIFE.

This struck me for a number of reasons...

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Mom - Forgiveness, for Heaven's Sake

Last night, when I was having my shower before bed, I shocked myself when I found my left hand slamming, hard, against the wall in sheer frustration at the age-old, painful tussle I was (mostly) unconsciously having about something(s) I remembered mom saying/doing to me. And the frustration, pain and hurt, and unvoiced anger, which I thought I had dealt with, came darkly up, carving the never-really-healed lines of pain in my psyche. And I continued to shock and disappoint myself when my other hand came up to also slam the wall because I was still dealing with the hard, stuck tumor of Unforgiveness.

Unforgiveness - a tumour and a bugbear I no longer want in me and in my life. Forgiveness - for so long now, is one of my biggest trial and challenge.

Forgiveness
(Free Img Src: Pixabay)

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Is it happening? Bits of the Mystical?

Well, something happened last night ... sort of. But some seemingly little things have been happening for a while anyway. What they are, I am not sure. Mystical bits and pieces? I don't know.

Mystical
Src: Free Image from Pixabay

It is not that I feel I want to blog about it, or that there is a driving urge. But there is an inner "advice" or "push" that I should write this down. I don't exactly know why it seems a bit important. For record keeping? To look back to? Whatever the reason, let's start with the "little, little winds". (Not the gassy kind; the breezy kind!)

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Aura or imagination?

As I was taking my arvo beach walk, and snapping a shot of the sea, I captured an image of myself (in silhouette) that caught my attention. I could not tell if it was my imagination or did/do I really see an aura around the body?

Is there an Aura?

Even now, I cannot not see the aura .. and then I don't but then again I do! So I took another slightly zoomed in shot, plus a short video.

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Spiritual Meaning of Burps

I mentioned here, maybe more than once, and also in my notes and diaries, that I seem to be burping a lot. Ever since I started with these once, twice, thrice daily meditations, predominately associated with Dr Joe's work.

I thought they would pass. But they seem to be increasing. Even when I am not meditating. So I thought I would ask Google if there was a spiritual meaning. I expected to actually find nothing. So I was pleasantly surprised. Especially as I have been asking the Universe/Quantum/Future Self, in the past few days, to give me a sign -- something to show me that all this work is doing something; that something good is actually happening for/to me. I haven't gotten any sure sign (since the big H in the sand) so maybe finding these unexpected answers IS a sign?

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To Heymala; my birthday wish

Today is my birthday and I woke up to a lovely greeting from Heymala. But also what seems to me to be a cry of the heart and a cry for help.

I enclose her message below.

Hi Helena,
My dear friend of many decades. I wish you a very happy day today, your 65th birthday. I can't imagine what beautiful food you will cook on this day but I bet it will be scrumptious. May you and Pete live happily and long together. 💜

Please indulge me a little as I explain my situation and my thinking at the moment.

It's the kidney failure at the age of 8 that has caused all the other side effects. Needing dialysis has its positives and negatives. It is the thing that keeps me alive, which is also the thing that nearly kills me each time. The stress my body goes through each dialysis session is so ardous. At the same time, as the machine removes the toxins from my blood, it also removes the good stuff as well. Plus, having had the illness since I was 8 has also damaged other organs over time. The toxic blood going through all my tissues over so many years has caused a lot of complications for my body. I don't have just one thing wrong. There are many other issues as well as the doctors have mentioned to me, "You are complicated."

I asked them the other day, "Why do you keep patching me up so many times? Why not just let me go?"🙏🏽 I miss my Rick so much. His 2nd anniversary is on 18th April.....Good Fri. I am having my annual afternoon tea with family and friends on Sat, 18th April.

Finances are very tight since I still have a big mortgage, although I live in an expensive apartment. The sensible thing would be to sell my 3 bedroom penthouse and buy a smaller 2 bedroom unit. I just can't bring myself to do that.

All our happy memories are here and at every corner I turn, I see a memory of Rick. It was here we were the happiest. People say memories are in your heart but they are in this place as well. This is my safe place. I am not asking you for any answers. I am just pouring my heart out to you. Sleep does not come easily to me.

Love you always🌈🩷🦋
Heym

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Message from ...

Morning Mdt: Tuning in with the Heart (Dr Joe/POC)

Msg: "We are coming, keep Trusting."

Trust is not just a feeling;
it is a Choice.

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First KMM; Where am I placing my Power?

Yesterday I made my first KMM (Kaleidoscope Mind Movie) - it is still WIP. It was fun but time consuming. I am quite pleased with it so far.

"I Am Divinely Guided; first KMM, using iMovie

However it occured to me (over lunch and while reading Dr Joe's "Becoming Supernatural") that I am still putting my expectation, hope, and energy on something external. Instead of giving my power to doctors, other people, etc. ... I may be giving a bit too much power over to The Divine.

There must be a balance. The work/job/challenge/victory is finding that balance.

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Alignment of Energy Centers

Maybe yesterday or day before, and either with Dr Joe's "Blessing of the Energy Centers" meditation or Chunyi Lin's "Small Universe" meditation (I think it was the former but cannot be definite), I felt as if, when I was "in" each center, that it was either "off to the right" or "off to the left". Not all of the centers; just some of them. I didn't take note to remeber which was not in alignment. That awareness was an interesting but very weird and uncomfortable feeling. First time I have ever been aware of this.

But I thought nothing more of it, till today ...

While reading Dr Joe's "Becoming Supernatural" book, I came across this image this morning. I had to gasp! So whatever I was feeling re. the centers' alignment was not just a figment of my imagination?

Sun-Sign - (Remko Arentz's) Aether??

Is it just me? Surely there is something very similar about these two images/symbols/signs?? They appeared in my life/awareness one day after the other. As of this writing, I don't know what they represent, mean, or what message they hold for me, if any.

"Sun-sign", 15 Mar, 2025

Remko Arentz, "Aether" album cover, 16 Mar, 2025

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I Called Me Home

Following on from trying to resolve the disturbing question of whether I truly wanted to be healed, I went for my afternoon walk. I thought I would only be gone for half an hour but I didn't get home till and hour and a half later.

And on that walk, I finally understood what my younger self(selves) were looking for and why.

"Sun-Sign" ... explanation at end of post

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Do I Really Want to Heal?!

It seems as if I am hitting one set of limiting beliefs, one after another. From:
• can any of this (Dr Joe's) work work?
• to ...it can work for others, but can it work for me?
• to ... it can work for me, but I am not doing enough.
• to ...now this: do I really want to heal?

WTF

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No Longer Injured; No Longer Aggrieved - Change Identity

In my earlier post, "H-symbol! Sign! Feedback!!", I mentioned that I had a "wee upset" with Pete that resulted in an unexpected but amazing, eye-opening walk on the beach yesterday.

And last night/this morning, in a semi-dream-state, I had a it-should-have-been-obvious-but-was-not self-realization.

I had been playing the role of "the aggrieved", "the injured", in huge if not whole chunks of my life! And I had thought I was often the hero or martyr - someone who had been objectively wrongly done by!!!

Turns out, it was me all along??

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H-symbol! Sign! Feedback!! H in the Sand

Yesterday afternoon I went for a walk on the beach.  It was wondrous and unprecedented on a number of fronts:

• it was my first walk, by myself, in the afternoon in over 10 years (we arrived in Apollo Bay, Jan 2014!)
• I never thought I would motivate myself to go for such a long walk (2 hours)
• I never thought I could ever find myself enjoying such a long walk.
• Just 2 weeks or so ago, I could not even walk up our short driveway without getting short of breath!
• I was listening to the Intro of Dr Joe's "Changing Boxes" walking meditation. Just the Intro. FIVE times!!! Me! I have never been able to listen to any audio text/book that I had listened to before, even if I missed most of the book and couldn't remember the bulk of its contents. And yet I listened to his Intro (!!!) FIVE times, and found something new in it, each time. And Dr Joe is not even my favourite author!! (Sorry, Dr Joe!)
• I wasn't even "doing meditation" when the H-symbol synchronicity happened. And that is what this post is mostly about - because it stunned me into ...Belief?!!!

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Burt Goldman & his Quantum Leaps: "Rhythm"

 Ok, Burt has been subtly creeping up on me.  The thought of him has flickered through my mind as I did Dr Joe's work.  On the purely logical level, it is because I recognise that a lot of Dr Joe's work is actually things and theories and beliefs I have been previously exposed to.  Maybe I didn't adopt them but when Dr Joe talks about this or that, I RECOGNISE them. And of course, Dr Joe talks about the quantum theory and Burt Goldman has talked about his quantum jump from ever so long ago.  So there is that inevitable connection in my mind.

And Dr Joe's void and sending out the intention and pulling the desired future event/you to you - that felt like the Quantum Leap I first associated with Burt Goldman.  Again as with Dr Joe, Burt (despite the links to Silva) was not someone I had previously felt a "click" to.

However I think that is changing now ....

Burps, Gas, & Tears; Neck and Shoulder Pains

 Dr Joe ... wth?!!!

Neck and Shoulder Pains During Meditation

Ever since I started this run of meditations, I have been experiencing neck and shoulder pains during the meditations. I am mentioning it now because I am now certain that the pains only arise during mediations.  As soon as I go back into "normal" life, it disappears so completely that I forget about it totally ... till the next meditation.

What is going on?  Obviously it is related to the mediations.  But why?

Home - Void; nothing - no thing

 When Dr Joe (his work, I mean) happened for me in early-mid Feb 2025, and introduced "Void" and becoming no-thing (or in full, "no body, no one, no thing, no where, no time" - I recognised the void he was talking about!  That, to me, was Home.

And no-thing? ...That was what I wanted to be for so many (suicidal) years.

Dr Rosie McBain - and her future

 I am just recording this so that I have a note of this.

When we first met Dr Rosie McBain at PeterMac, Melbourne on 4 Feb 2025 - I had this inkling of  a feeling/thought that has only gotten stronger with the passage of time.  Not strong enough for me to call it a knowing but strong enough to know that even after a month, the feeling/thought has not only persisted but gotten a bit stronger.

Walking Meditation #3; beach, Changing Boxes - 6 Bodies, 6 Hs

 Today was day 3 of Walking meditation, Changing Boxes

But first, yesterday by "coincidence" I came across some of my old beaded "H"s and thought I would leave some out because it is so relevant to my current H-symbol: Dr Joe's way of encapsulating Intention & Elevated Emotions (see:  my "H" symbol for my Intention & Elevated Emotions).

These are my beaded H's that I randomly chose and left out on my working table to be a constant reminder.  

Unexpected Universe's Feedback

 I sometimes think that I too easily dismiss not only what I do but also when good things happen to/for me.  And in doing so, I diminish the richness of my inner (self world) view, and very probably, discourage the Universe from bringing more of the same (goodness) to me.

So here is a collection and mini record of the Universe responding to me in ways I didn't expect but are in alignment with my "H symbol" - representing my clear Intentions and linked Elevated Emotions.

I will add to this over time.

Reflections ctd: Doubts and Beliefs: Convincers; Am I Doing Enough?

 I started reflecting on my (lack of) beliefs and doubts in my last post. However, as the day progresses, I realise that they (my doubts) are still bothering me.

I think, in particular, my "convincers".

Early Start and Second Walking Meditation on Beach

 Went to bed at 8:30pm; did Dr Joe's Restorative Sleep Meditation. Slept.

Woke or Dreamt I woke around 11pm.

Woke/Dream around 3something a.m.

I did instruct myself that I wanted to meet Lester or my higher/future self in my dreams.  To get guidance or love or comfort or reassurance or something.  And for me to understand the dream and its meaning(s) during, after, and later into the day.

Dream:

Beach Walk: first Changing Boxes Walking Meditation, & the Doggies experience!

 As I write this, I feel a bit floaty.  I occasionally find myself wondering, "who am I?" and "which version am I?" and "which dimension is this?"  I feel as if I am a bit here and a bit there, a bit past and a bit present and a bit future.  Floaty.

Blessing of the Energy Centers Mediation (Dr Joe/POC); Unexpected Happenings

 Last night, I went to sleep at 8:30pm, intending to wake up early the next morning for my first outside, beach Walking Meditation.  Before sleep, I did Dr Joe's Restorative Sleep meditation.  Woke at 11:30pm.

(And "accidentally" found Blessing the Energy Centers meditation!!!)

Belief: I can do it

In an earlier post, I did NLP to change a previous limiting belief ("miracles and good things can happen for others but not for me.") to:

It can happen for others,

It can happen for me.

If they can do it, 

I CAN DO IT.

Which is still my belief now: that IT CAN HAPPEN FOR ME.  

But I have been feeling (for days) that something is still holding me "stuck".

During last night/this morning's meditations, I realised that I am still hampered by a (deeper) limiting belief:

"I can't do it".

Pete Transformed

 For the very first time, I saw Pete - not as he is, not as he was - but as he will be, transformed beyond anything I could ever have imagined or hoped ... or even thought about.

11:30pm meditation:

Body Talk. Aches and Pains: What are they telling me? Generous Present Moment Mediation

I have been waking up happy and good in recent mornings. Yesterday morning, I woke up feeling aches and pains and feeling sluggish and heavy in my body.  And the aches and pains persisted.  And my doubts started to come back, again and again.

And I started wondering: "What if I am wrong? Have I made the right decision?"

Things falling away/apart - They are no longer a vibrational match

I was listening to the POC (Progressive Online Course of Dr Joe Dispenza) again  and the following words were like a timely message to me.

"I want you to come up against those emotions and when you lower the volume and take your attention off it, it turns into possibility. And things will fall away in your life because they are NO LONGER A VIBRATIONAL MATCH; you are no longer in the known; you are in the unknown. The chaos, that disorder, all the things falling apart in your life... don't you try to fix it. That's the old ... falling away."

~ Dr Joe Dispenza (in part of the Progressive Online Course)

Dream Guidance: Letting go of Alex & Xavier

I asked for dreams and guidance to help me get better and more healed before sleep last night.

I dreamt of Xavier and Alex. Was in a (dream) mix of Subang/sg besi home. They upset me because they were talking about something but when I asked, they behaved shady-like, smirked, and didn't answer me. I got upset  and angry and told them off. Woke upset.

Lester and I: Why do some get a disease and others don't?

 

I was looking at the photograph, looking into his wise eyes, and I remembered (from his book), Lester was a Jew. Which got me thinking of those incredible Jew survivors from the holocaust. The indescribable suffering and stress they endured. And survived.

Females, Pink, Feminine energy, Small Universe Meditation

This post comes as a result of some inner work over the past many days and weeks.  Of that inner work, one of them is the Small Universe meditation by Chunyi Lin.  

I bought his CDs (Spring Forest QiCong) some years ago (almost 10).  I bought it for the QiCong (which I didn't get into) and in that pack was also included the Small Universe meditation.  

I didn't take to it. Then.

Showing up for Yourself

 "SHOWING UP FOR YOURSELF" ... this post deals with messages and reflections that arose in my current quest of Wholeness in the fact of what was dire news.  And this post is in large, reflections that arose from the youTube Andre Duqum interview/video with Dr Joe Dispenza: The Science of Transformation, Pineal Gland, Time Travel & Mystical Experiences.

"They were doing their meditations not to heal.

They were doing their meditations to Change."

   If I Change, then I will Heal   

The More I Love, the Safer WE are ...

 In 8/2/25 post about dealing with limiting beliefs, specifically:

"I will lose the people I love. I will lose safety. It is so scary.  There is nothing I can do about this."

.. and where the new, empowering belief was:

".. THE MORE I LOVE

THE SAFER WE ARE."

My Insistence in Coming (Back) into the World

 I was watching the docco, "Heal" on PrimeTV.  

There is a section where Gregg Braden says, ".. what has happened before we got here, ... it is different for all of us ..." i.e. what happened before each soul came into the world .. we don't know.  It is different for all of us.

His words evoked a familiar "scene" that has run through my life for decades, periodically appearing in my consciousness but one that I don't fully understand the meaning of.

Answer to Glass of Water Technique

 Last night, I did the Glass of Water Technique (GOWT). And waited with expectation for the answer but no expectation on when, where, or how other than it would be in the 36 hours after the technique.

I am currently listening to Dr Joe on a section of his website I accidentally found last night, entitled: "Previous Conversation 06/10/24: 50th Weeklong Advance Retreat".  But I couldn't find it again this morning... till I did. (It was under my account, in the Community Live Group section.  I don't even know if this talk is available to everyone, or to every member, or it just so happens I found it and it was "accidentally" available.)

My issue and question in the GOWT is/was: "Do I go ahead with the surgery or not?"

Havening Technique

 I was watching a Paul McKenna talk (Mind Valley) and came across this technique.  Including it here for easy reference.  Have yet to try it multiple times to check its efficacy.

Joe Dispenza - Walk for the World & Online Coherence Healing

 Today is Fri, 21 Feb 2025.

Yesterday, Thu 20 Feb 2025, I received the Long Distance Coherence Healing online.

The night before that, Wed 19 Feb 2025, I did my first Walk for the World (WW) meditation. (On my own.)

Both were surprising, amazing, unexpected.

Lester Levenson and I

 During my morning meditation today, I "saw" that my "future" self had the same eyes of Joy, and Peace, and Bliss/Gratitude...as Lester Levenson.

So after the meditation, over breakfast, I found one of Lester's photos and one of mine - both from what I was thinking of in my meditation - set them side by side to compare. 

OMG, it is true! The eyes are the same!!!  Is it only I imagining this??? Or is this why I have been so drawn to Lester and why he is always my main mentor in spite of everything else to the contrary in the physical realm?!

Dear Sook San

 This is my first whatsapp text (in 2025, after a long period of not hearing from her) in response to her many and long texts in the last few days:

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Dear Sook San

Small Universe Meditation - Chunyi Lin Explanation

 

This is based on this very good video, by Master Chunyi Lin:-