Yesterday I made my first KMM (Kaleidoscope Mind Movie) - it is still WIP. It was fun but time consuming. I am quite pleased with it so far.
However it occured to me (over lunch and while reading Dr Joe's "Becoming Supernatural") that I am still putting my expectation, hope, and energy on something external. Instead of giving my power to doctors, other people, etc. ... I may be giving a bit too much power over to The Divine.
There must be a balance. The work/job/challenge/victory is finding that balance.
I felt that I was (trying to) placing all the power in the Divine, which I mostly still feel is outside of me. I was "surrendering all of me" (or trying my best to), and placing all my "thoughts, actions, and deeds" in the hands of the Divine. And while the first few times I felt some relief, the niggling sensation of all not being right was becoming more evident.
It was a comforting thought that if I could give it all up to the Divine, all the time, then I would be relieved of all responsibility and worry because it must all be Right (no mistakes). And I wouldn't have to do anything anymore.
Which I now realise, is how a small child thinks. No wonder the sense of relief.
However I am not a child. I don't mean just in biological terms, I mean in spirit.
I think there are times when it is important and maybe even vital to totally surrender to the Divine. But probably not all the time (even if that was even possible).
First, I don't think that is possible so trying to surrender all the time would be wasting out precious energy and getting frustrated instead.
Second, I know the Divine resides in all of us. I know the Divine resides in me. And/or I reside in the Divine. And while I am a small little electron in the totality of the Divine, it still is more a partnership than just being mindless particles. If that makes sense.
So when I was begining to have this train of thought over lunch, and thought with dismay that I had to trash my KMM from yesteday, I realise now that maybe I don't. Because there is nothing jarring, or wrong, or incorrect, or untrue, about what I have done in it so far. It was more what I was feeling/thinking inside that needed a bit more clarity and adjustment.
This is how my KMM looks (excl my VoiceOver) at the moment. It will be adjusted/added to as work continues on it.
