Helena Asmus Lim (Private): I Called Me Home

Following on from trying to resolve the disturbing question of whether I truly wanted to be healed, I went for my afternoon walk. I thought I would only be gone for half an hour but I didn't get home till and hour and a half later.

And on that walk, I finally understood what my younger self(selves) were looking for and why.

"Sun-Sign" ... explanation at end of post

This was my 3rd walking meditation on the beach. The long walks may not seem like it is anything to write home about for other people: it is for me. I don't like walks. Or rather, I didn't like walks. I could never seem to motivate myself to take walks, no matter how much it was espoused. I always felt they were so boring and oh so time consuming.

So much so that in my entire life, I don't think I have ever gone for a walk of any lenght, for more than 2 days in a row. And for the 12 years we have been in this beautiful scenic part of the world, I had never gone for a walk, longer than 20 mins. Not without some inner grumbling. And certainly not voluntarily, by myself.

These recent solo walks, I didn't even have to force myself. There was more desire than resistance.

Like I said, I only meant for it to be a short walk on the beach, maybe 30mins or less. I was listening to Dr Joe's "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself" on my phone. And then 15-20 mins in, I felt the urging to do his "Changing Boxes walking meditation".

As anyone familiar with that meditation will know, it is over an hour long. So I thought, "I will do it and stop after the first eyes-open part. Doing a bit is better than nothing, right?" So I started.

And carried on. And on. Till the end. And then lingered, not going home, because so waves of images and realizations were coming through.

I don't remember precisely the sequence of thoughts that led me to my "oh" and "ah-ha" when I saw my younger selves - each in a different time period, from maybe 3 or 4 years of age, all the way through the stuggling decades, right up to now.

I think it was the part where I was in the quantum, where I was my future self, and Dr Joe was saying to call "your body to you". And as I was in the quantum/void/(to me)Home, I called my body to me saying, "Come Home to me".

And that's when I realised that across time and space and all that, my younger self(ves) heard and responded. And they have been trying to "come Home to me" ever since. But they didn't know it.

All they felt was the terrible loneliness, the terrible longing, the desperate yearning to "go Home". They each, through their own timelines, looked with such desperate longing and grief, to the skies .. yearning to "go Home". They each sought what they thought was their "soul mate" - that someone they knew before they even met them, the missing part of themselves, that would fill their void. They didn't know, I didn't know then, that that "soul mate" they were missing was me and it was because I called them right then on the beach in 2024, across time, to "come Home to me".

I think the calling was so strong and the desperate need engendered was so great that in had a significant part in my suicidal urges and attempts through the years.

Is all this crazy or what?!