I am just recording this so that I have a note of this.
When we first met Dr Rosie McBain at PeterMac, Melbourne on 4 Feb 2025 - I had this inkling of a feeling/thought that has only gotten stronger with the passage of time. Not strong enough for me to call it a knowing but strong enough to know that even after a month, the feeling/thought has not only persisted but gotten a bit stronger.
The thought/feeling is that one day (after I have had the last consult with her where she looks at my latest scan, leans forward to have a closer look, and says "wft" and scratches her head and gives me that disbelieving look - that one day, soon or long after that, she will be in touch with me because she will need to know how I did it. It could be for her or for a loved one. But in that future time, she will be having her own wakeup call through the "brilliant opportunity of an impossible situation" (paraphrasing Dr Joe). And she will need answers that her surgical and oncology skills cannot give her.
But for now, I put this down now for my own recording.
And I also note that more than once now, despite me liking her and her mainly pleasant approach, she has twice (involuntarily?) shown that she does not approve and may even mock my approach as one that will lead to my detriment or demise.
The first time was during our first visit. When I asked her what would happen if I chose not to go ahead with the standard recommendations (surgery, chemo, etc.) .. she answered, "nothing. Because by then it might be inoperable. ... but then that is what you want, right? To do nothing." It wasn't said in an overtly nasty way, but it definitely showed what she thought of my decision.
Then during our second appointment three weeks later (this time, a tele-consult), when I told her that I had decided that I needed 3 months of no treatments or scans of any kind, while she didn't loudly protest or vocally try to change my mind, she did say that it is up to me as it is my body but by the time I come back, it might be inoperable.
Her views are not unexpected. I am just grateful she didn't give me a harder time. And I am proud of myself. I was proud and glad I had an opportunity to decide for myself despite knowing it would not be approved because, for me, it was scary in more ways than one: • what if I am wrong, and • was terrifying for me to go against convention and authority.
