Yesterday we received not so good news from Dr Kate, oncologist at ALCC. Re. PET scan detecting something which she says is cancer re-emerging.
Told family. Barely a ripple of response. True I told them I didn't expect them to respond but they really didn't. Disappointed and hurt after all the times and hours they took off me when they needed help or to complain.
Worse than that, not one of them refuted to me saying that "some of them" might think I was overly concerned about my health issues or that those unidentified someones thought I complained too much. I am thinking of Xavier of course. But so disappointed and hurt that not one of them refuted that claim.
I feel I barely complain to them yet X & S have spent hours of my time talking about their concerns, issues, worries, health ... repeatedly. And for any of them to think I complain too much or show too much concern over my health just demonstrates to me their lack of understanding and lack of irony! Maybe if they are ever in this situation where a life-threathening threat never goes away, they may understand. But then again, given their lack of awareness sometimes, maybe not even then.
Maybe it is their/our upbringing. But I am fed up of making excuses for them or pushing my brain to try and give them a good, plausible reason. Done that for years and years with mom till I was wrung dry. In the end it felt like I gave her more compassion than I ever showed myself. No more.
From hereonin, I am no longer updating the family, beyond real bare minimum, about my health. I will also probably be less available when they need help or a ear to talk to or to give them help of any kind.
Maybe that is not the best approach for me but right now, I am just going to put me me me me first and avoid situations that obviously have such potential of disappointment and hurt for me.
I get more sympathy from online friends I have never met and even from Sook Fun who is like an outcast from the Lim family.
p/s If this reads as if I am angry, I so am.
